From - Thu Jun 14 09:56:03 2001 Message-ID: <3B280820.AA4BF957@clark.net> Date: Wed, 13 Jun 2001 20:41:04 -0400 From: Tiny Human Ferret Reply-To: klaatu@clark.net Organization: copyright 2001 all rights reserved -- non-UseNet transmission prohibited. X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.5 [en] (X11; U; Linux 2.2.17 i586) X-Accept-Language: en MIME-Version: 1.0 Newsgroups: misc.consumers.frugal-living,va.general,alt.appalachian,dc.general Subject: Re: Are my wife and I trash? References: <3B254FD7.910A6FE9@removethis.com> <_FeV6.39$9E6.39106@nntp0.chicago.il.ameritech.net> <369243be.40576824@news.earthlink.net> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit NNTP-Posting-Host: 65.205.1.226 X-Trace: vienna7.his.com 992479265 65.205.1.226 (13 Jun 2001 20:41:05 -0400) Lines: 66 X-Authenticated-User: tjh22isp Path: vienna7.his.com Xref: vienna7.his.com misc.consumers.frugal-living:333409 va.general:39144 alt.appalachian:177049 dc.general:139959 defeated wrote: > > On Mon, 11 Jun 2001 20:56:42 -0500, spake > thusly: > > >No, your neighbors are jerks! I would ask them were you can get a good deal > >on pink flamingos and asked if painting you house pink would blend into the > >neighborhood. Screw those people, they are creeps! > > Actually, painting the house turquoise would bring out the pink in the > flamingos better. Nope. I you wanna really piss off the neighbors, paint the house bright yellow with turquoise trim, except you should paint the steps up to the porch a heinous flourescent green somewhere between "forest" and "lime". Don't forget the black-and-orange safety-strip along the edge of each step. Then hang Santaria fetishes from all of the tree branches, build at least three shrines to your favorite Saints -- you know, the shrines with pictures of the assorted Saints' horrific martyrdoms. Hang a few birdfeeders out, and make them the cheap kind that keep the squirrels lined up three-deep and squabbling. Replace your fence gateposts with the Pink Flamingos. Buy at least one extremely annoying yappy dog with bulging eyes, and let it get a nicely nasty case of untreated mange to improve its disposition. Every time the dog starts yapping, screech at it until it barks louder. Devote one room to extremely unsightly things that gather lots of dust. Taxidermists are your unindicted co-conspirators in this endeavor. Go to junk shops and buy 40-year-old stuffed deer heads with missing fake eyes. Mount them (poorly) on the walls facing the window, leave the window open at all times, with just enough light on the trophies to give their remaining fake eyes a sinister gleam. When your neighbors are almost used to this, put your yapping little dog into a humane harness, and hang it from the wall in the room where it can scrabble and bitch at all passersby, and when it does, loudly mutter something like "don' worry, Peppy, I ain't gonna let 'em take Daddy's twelve-point, hell no! Now where'd I put that 12-gauge?" For no discernable reason, emerge from your house in great haste one morning with a look of horror writ large on your face. Get in the car and drive off and return minutes later in a great hurry with a nondescript cardboard box. Do this when there's a stiff wind blowing towards the neighbor's house. Open the box and remove the dozen cans of spray insecticide and expend 8 of them on the exterior, and carry the remaining four inside. Return posthaste, without the cans, glance back at your house like Lot glanced back at his wife glancing back at Sodom, then jump in your car and go fishing for a few days. Return with exaggerated extreme caution. Then go ask the neighbors if they've had any problems with bugs lately, and if they ask why, praise Jayusus and say, 'oh nothing, um, never mind". As you return home, give them a sad sad look back over your shoulder. For more ideas, see also http://65.205.1.226/klaatu/drive_crazy.html or http://earthops.org/drive_crazy.html > > ~angela -- Non-UseNet re-transmission of this article is a willful violation of US Copyright Law and the Berne Convention. Statutory damages are $250,000.00 Whom thou'st vex'd waxeth wroth: Meow. <-----> http://earthops.net/klaatu/